http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl? http://www.eblah.com en http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1284053321/ http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1284053321/#num1 'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'
'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'
'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed.
'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'
'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'
'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'
'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight !'
'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'
'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'
'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.
'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself!
And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'
'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.
'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest,
fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..

'You missed the f***ing putt, didn't you?' ]]> Thu, 9 Sep 2010 18:28:41 hipvanduyn http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283899305/ http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283899305/#num1
The Constable runs out to the field, and sees the couple, he reminisces for a moment about his youth and young women.  He then sees that the woman does indeed look dead.  So he runs to town for the Doctor.

The Dr grabs his medical bag and runs to the field.  He finds the couple, and he too thinks about what it was like to be young, making love in the villages fields.

Soon the Dr comes strolling back into town, and goes to the Constables office, where the Frenchman and the Constable are anxiously awaiting the Dr's opinion.  When questioned the Dr states that " the young woman did indeed appear dead, but upon closer examination....she was British..."]]> Tue, 7 Sep 2010 23:41:45 hodag2005 http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283853141/ http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283853141/#num1 Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?"
Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room.
When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead.
It read: "My name is Daniel."
]]> Tue, 7 Sep 2010 10:52:21 hipvanduyn http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283853045/ http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283853045/#num1 As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff .. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... so I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts .. so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... ".

And here I am.

Son of a Gun, Blonde men do exist. ]]> Tue, 7 Sep 2010 10:50:45 hipvanduyn http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283852986/ http://www.maxwellshouse.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1283852986/#num1
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said Wait just a minute! she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, I hope you werent crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.

She said, Yes, I promised. Im a good christian, I cant lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.

You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?

I sure did. I gathered up all the money put it in my account and wrote him a check for it. ]]> Tue, 7 Sep 2010 10:49:46 hipvanduyn